Bisexuality is not complicated. For bisexuals, love indeed sees no gender. Living as a bisexual can, however, be very complicated. "Coming out" as a bisexual can be a confusing and frightening process, and adopting a lifestyle that embraces bisexuality can seem almost impossible.
If there is one trait at the heart of bisexuality, it is questioning. Bisexuals today are struggling towards self-definition and self-respect in a society which questions their very existence. The bisexual movement, quite new in North America and still in its infancy in Canada, is just beginning to bring together bisexuals to create a philosophy, politic and culture of bisexuality that will include the widely diverse bisexual population.
Bisexuals are asking of themselves and society, "What is gender? How does the perfect relationship look? Is orientation a choice? Do I have to choose? What is our place in the gay community? Can I be a parent? Partner? Celibate? Activist?"
The Second Annual B.C. Bisexual Conference, held at the Roundhouse Community Centre on September 6, was an opportunity for bisexuals in this region to come together to consider their questions, to share, and to celebrate. The only conference of its kind in Canada, the BCBC began last year as an extension of the small existing social and support groups. Organizers expected to attract a maximum of fifty people for a day of information and discussion, and were overwhelmed by a turnout of more than one hundred. This year's conference saw attendance rise to one hundred and fifty participants, and offered a choice of a dozen workshops and discussion groups, as well as plenary sessions and a dance party.
The 1997 conference organizers tried to move past the "Bisexuality 101" kind of information and into more in-depth discussions of various aspects of bisexuals' lives, while maintaining support for those just coming out. Workshop topics ranged from "Bisexual Feminism" to "Healing the Bi Soul" to "Bi in the Gay World."
As someone whose first experience of a bisexual "event" was last year's conference, I found the 97 BCBC to be both an exhilarating first step towards a local bi movement, and also a reminder of how far we have to go. Talk at this conference began to focus on organizing and activism, and on the wider repercussions of bisexuality, both for bis and for society at large. Still, many of those in attendance were struggling with the personal conflicts of their bisexuality. For most of us, it is still a surprise that there are so many other bisexuals. Before we can move on, it seems we need a lot more reassurance that we are not alone.
We began the day with a game to find out just who this mass of bisexuals was. As we broke up into groups, we discovered that participants ranged in age from fifteen to fifty, including many races, genders and lifestyles, with many perspectives on bisexuality. Organizing bisexuals is rather like organizing anarchists, and there were as many agendas as conference-goers. People came looking for support, information, activism, social interaction and healing. Fortunately, the prevailing attitude of openness and tolerance allowed people to explore in many different directions, and to disagree without animosity.
One area of disagreement was the label "bisexual." (There was general consensus on dislike of labels.) The notion that there are only two genders is not much respected among bisexuals, as the workshop group on gender pointed out. Options such as "pansexual" and "anthrosexual" were discussed, as was the theory that we might replace the notion of hetero versus homosexual with the concept of mono versus plural-sexual.
As well as being inaccurate, the label bisexual brings with it a number of stereotypes which serve to oppress all bisexual people. In many workshops and discussions through the day, with both laughter and tears, bisexual people talked about being accused of "just being in a phase," "not being able to make up our minds" or "resorting to heterosexual privilege." One speaker remarked that part of the joy of the conference was that being in a room with 150 bisexuals made it hard to believe those who say we don't exist.
Bisexual men and women are accused of spreading AIDS, are shunned by those who say we can't possibly maintain a relationship, and often find themselves on the periphery of both gay and straight society. When we look for reflections of ourselves in the popular culture, we are either invisible or portrayed as neurotics or sex maniacs. Many of us are still closeted in at least some parts of our lives.
That fact was brought home by the difficulty of dealing with the media at the conference. While welcoming the chance to educate the general public about bisexuality, organizers worried over CBC's television coverage of the event. Several times throughout the day, warnings went out about camera presence in certain areas, so that those who did not wish to be seen on television could leave. Even in the group photographs, people were given the option to stand with their face towards or away from the camera.
In the various groups throughout the day, and in the closing session, people talked about facing misunderstanding and hostility from others, and about struggling with their own questions about how to live out their orientation. In the three workshops on relationships -- "What Do We Want", "Non-traditional Relationships", and "Partners of Bisexuals" -- people shared a dizzying array of possibilities -- and more questions. Isn't having an exclusive relationship with one man and one woman monogamy? How do monosexual partners deal with bisexuality? Are we really ready to move beyond the "couple" tradition so deeply ingrained in our culture?
Some few of us seem to have found relationships that allow us to be loved without denying part of ourselves. Their stories were inspiring. For the rest of us, the space to just imagine the possibilities was a first step. Several ongoing support and discussion groups formed from these workshops.
From the personal, discussion inevitable moved to the political. Whether struggling to get "and bisexual" added to the titles of gay and lesbian organizations or fighting to overcome biphobia in straight society, bisexuals are becoming increasingly involved in activism. This year's conference has led to the formation of a bisexual political organization which hopes to carry out activism and educational work for the bisexual community.
These kinds of continuing projects were a very exciting outgrowth of this conference. Once facilitator remarked that, "What was most important for me at the conference was the overwhelming feeling in both groups I helped facilitate -- the politics discussion and the gender discussion -- that the conference meeting was just the beginning. There was a definite consensus in the political group that a bisexual political organization was long overdue. Already, I feel that what we've learned from this year's bisexual conference will ensure that next year's conference serves even more members of the community, with a wider variety of discussion topics, a more diverse range of activities, and more focused outcomes. In the meantime, I expect new groups and activities will continue to form out of the connections made at this conference."
Organizing and networking, informing and discussing, oppressions and struggles, are of course only half of any conference. The 1997 BCBC more than balanced the serious business of the day with an evening of dance and entertainment. Bisexual artists are coming out, and they shared poetry, fiction, jokes and dances with their fellows. A silent art auction raised funds for the next conference. The musical duo "Bi the Way" performed their popular bi rewrites of such classics as "When a Man Loves a Woman" (featuring variations such as when a woman loves a woman who loves a man who dresses like a woman) and we got the first taste of a musical exploring the struggles of a lesbian who unexpectedly falls in love with a man.
The BC Bisexual Conference was a reflection of the small but growing bi community here. We are young, perhaps a bit naive, and maybe too willing to accommodate ourselves in order to be accepted. Like other communities, we are struggling to include people of every age, race, gender, class and ability, and we do not always succeed. There is a lot of spirit, and a slowly growing sense of solidarity. With so many "baby bis" among us, the wonder of simply being surrounded by like-minded people, especially if you've struggled for years in the belief that you are alone, is constantly present.
For some final words on the 1997 Bisexual Conference, here's what some of the participants had to say: